EoghanNaDragan

Man its been a long time since I have put my thoughts on paper, or at least on a computer screen.  Same thing right? not really but it will do.  This is digital, it exists in a plane of reality that is highly hypothetical and expressed by 1's and 0's.  But as for me at this point, I dont really care.  What I do care about is correlating the relationship I had with God and have with God with my sanity and overall mental health.  Has it been beneficial?  Isn't religion suppose to better the self?  Well most are about that, about helping the human gain some sort of higher self.  Christianity on the other hand is about getting rid of the self and

It takes something big inside of you to change.  Am I going to let my bi polar master me? or am I going to master it?  I'm going to master it.  Things have being going good with God.  I still feel like he isnt there, like he is far away, but a good few of my friends reminded me that I should meditate on the verses that say he does.  I've been reading psalm 103, and 27 and hebrews 13:5 everytime i hit a depressive slope.  afterall God did save me from drowning back in 2005, and what did the israelites do in times of hardship? They recalled the exodus, and what God had done.  I am reminding myself that God has been there, and he is there, and h

I don't think I can keep on kidding myself. I just can't keep on doing it you know? I literally feel disgusted when I hear praise. I don't like it, it's not that I hate the people praising God, or anything like that, it makes me feel really, and i mean really uncomfortable. Sure I know some amazing christian people.  People who are genuinely the most nicest caring people you can meet.  I know too much for my own good as well.  I really do wish I never knew God, or Christianity for that matter and that I would have one of those miraculous conversions you read about all the time. But...instead....I find I have put myself in a trap.  I know